High school is long over with.

I survived my first semester of college...and did so with a pretty good gpa.

but we all know that its not school that i worry about.

i worry about loving. and being in love. and not being in love. and why i feel so crappy all the time. and why the world sucks so much. and why i dont have motivation to do anything most of the time.

and i worry about loosing friends.

and i don't doubt how much im crazy in love right now. what i do doubt though, is my mental capacity to actually be in a relationship without trying to tear it apart all the time...if not publicly...at least in my head. 

and i think about my past relationship. and see how i tore apart that relationship...and i know that i dont want to do that to us...and i think about how that ruined one of the best friendships ive ever had. and i deffinantly don't want to do that to us either.

you are my best friend and the love of my life. and im sorry that i get upset about not seeing you all the time, or not talking to you all the time, or when you don't respond to my texts. its just because i love you that much and im just afriad of loosing it. and its a horriable cycle because me getting upset about that stuff....pushes you away...and i dont want that.

i haven't been on xanga forever. so i got on here and i was looking at messages from 2006 and 2007 that we sent to each other. and. its so clear that ive loved you from day one. ive loved you over 1000 days and i can't imagine not loving you for the next 35600 days...even though we may both be dead by then. death wont end my love for you.

so. i guess thats all.

<3 ali

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Ymrtgf-pJKU

 

i love him.

 

<3

ya. you.

 

im mad at you.

 

but you should know its not really ur fault.

 

but then agian it is.

 

but mostly its not.

but none the less. im pretty mad.